Grief and pain

The month of April this year falls entirely within the Church’s Easter season. This extended period helps to remind us that Christ’s resurrection is not just an event that happens one day, but that his life and power remain with us.

So it perhaps seems strange that the focus of my thoughts this month is death. It is little surprising that I have thought much about death in recently. Between January and Easter Day, I conducted more funerals in the benefice than in the whole of 2007; some of my closest friends have also been coping with bereavements following deaths of those whom they love. In the midst of life, there is always death and grief.

Some of the funerals I have taken have been almost straightforward, in the sense that the person who has died was seemingly at a natural end to their life - they had lived many years and died peacefully, ready for whatever comes next. There is sadness, but grieving family and friends are able to reconcile themselves to living with that.

But others have followed tragic events or led to young children losing parents. Some have been so sudden that relatives and friends have struggled to understand why or have faced relatives and friends with the suffering and pain of someone they love - something that is hard for anyone to experience.

Because Christians believe that death is not the end, there can sometimes be a tendency within the Church not to face grief properly. Yet, we only grieve because we have loved. Love is a great and wonderful thing, but it makes us vulnerable too. When we love, we open ourselves up to pain as well as joy, and the pain of death is often a very deep one arising from the separation from the one we love. That pain can be overwhelming.

Death raises all sorts of questions. It leads to agonising cries of Why? Sometimes it sparks anger and rage against God or the one who has died, feelings of abandonment and desolation, deep sadness and confusion. This is all natural, but often people are ashamed of sharing these thoughts with God in prayer. God can take it! God is bigger than our grief and more loving than we can imagine. And, though we may not be aware of it, God will be there alongside us, sharing in our suffering and pain. God knows what it is like to lose a beloved child. Let God share your pain, and hear your anger.

With best wishes, Sarah