God looks at the inside
Covey speed of trust

Sonia Falaschi-Ray

God had chosen a new king for Israel, having been let-down by Saul.  He sent the prophet Samuel to pick one of Jesse’s sons.  The eldest made a fine first-impression but the Lord said to Samuel, “Don’t look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him; for the LORD doesn’t see as mortals see; they look on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart”.  God sees our intentions and our potential.  We judge by externals and if our intentions or even our potential is not mirrored in our behaviour, people will judge us by our behaviour, as that is all they can see. 

God looks at the inside, at the potential even if that potential has to have its objectives redirected.  So God saw St Paul (also called Saul) as having the potential to spread his gospel to the non-Jewish world, whereas his contemporaries saw him as a precocious, religious zealot, doing great work or being a murderous persecutor, depending.  “For now we see in a mirror, dimly, … Now I know only in part.”[1]  External appearances may be misleading and we wouldn’t guess that an unpromising looking mustard seed could grow into a beneficial bush, giving shade and shelter.  We can’t even know ourselves that well because we don’t see with God’s eyes.  Many of us think that if people really knew us, really knew some of our thoughts they would find us unacceptable.  We even extend this to God, and so may have difficulty accepting forgiveness.  After all, no one knows us better than we do ourselves.  Well up to a point.  We may recognize that we have the odd blind spot which seems glaringly obvious to our family and friends!  However, even when we are told, that characteristic may so not fit with our perceived personal image, that we reject it.  God knows what Jung called our ‘shadow side’, our hidden drivers, into which we may get insights through dreams.  Those of us who cultivate a certain image, but deep-down don’t believe it, can eventually come apart.  For example, the attention-seeking show off who always seems so utterly confident.  Maybe no-one took much notice of her when she was small and through the rest of her life she is still trying to get mummy’s attention, daddy’s approval.  I remember when I worked in the City coming across a couple of Chief Executives of major pubic companies whom I was sure would never be content, as they still seemed to be trying to impress their fathers, who must have been dead for decades.  If childhoods have been very traumatic, or even just in some way deprived, we may end up with what psychologists call ‘cognitive dissonance’.  A rift exists between what we consciously think and our personal image and that of our hidden, subconscious views.  There, feelings of inadequacy, unworthiness or, alternatively, being daddy’s little princess or mummy’s marvellous genius come out in inappropriate behaviours, impeding relationships.  I had a boss once, the Head of Corporate Finance in a major investment bank, who was very bright but insufferably arrogant.  He acted as though every deal and client we won was totally down to him, with no credit given to his undoubtedly talented and hard working department.  I learned that his grandfather had been Prime Minister in a Balkan state and had had to flee with his family after a coup.  They became refugees in the UK, speaking no English.  Deep down this man was still the frightened little refugee boy fighting his corner.  He never grew out of it and it coloured all his relationships.  I felt he would have been so much happier if he had had the humility to get some counselling, allowing him to process those feelings of inadequacy and realize they were no longer pertinent, so he didn’t keep having to overcompensate.  What he needed most of all was Jesus.   St Paul was convinced that we would all be judged.  “For all of us must appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each may receive recompense for what has been done in the body, whether good or evil.”  God will take into account all the influences on our lives which have prompted us to think, speak and behave in the way we have.  To him we are fully known.  I assume that will cut both ways.  Those of us who have been given gifts and talents, even if the world judges we have used them well and led a good life, God may consider, given our starting point, that we could have been more generous in the attention, love or time we gave to others.  This judgement may not just be in the future.  We are living in the time between the Kingdom of God breaking into this world, through Jesus’ death, resurrection and His gift of the Holy Spirit, and the end-game (eschaton) of Jesus’ glorious return.  Theologians call this ‘inaugurated eschatology’.  (I thought you’d like to know that!)

God looks at the inside and sees our potential.  Judging from the outside can have disastrous consequences.  A famous example of this was the supposed scandal of Lady Flora Hastings.  She was unmarried and Lady in Waiting to Queen Victoria’s mother.  Unfortunately she didn’t get on well with Queen Victoria partially, as it was suspected she was having an affair with John Conroy, the favourite and possibly also lover of the Queen’s mother and also because Flora couldn’t stand the Victoria’s Prime Minister, Lord Melbourne.  Flora suffered from abdominal pains and swelling, refused an intimate medical examination by the Queen’s physician Dr Clark, and was accused of being pregnant.  She was banished from Court.  Later it was found that she had liver cancer, from which she died aged 33.  John Conroy and her brother, Lord Hastings, stirred up a press campaign against both the Queen and Doctor Clark which attacked them for insulting and disgracing Flora with false rumours and for plotting against her and the entire Hastings family. 

I have just been reading a book on the part ethics plays in business called The Speed of Trust by Stephen Covey.[2] In it he details how trusting and trustworthiness can build successful and flourishing businesses and societies.  If companies trust the intentions, competence and ability to deliver of a supplier, it saves huge amounts of bureaucracy and other redundant actions, thereby enhancing profitability for both buyer and seller.  This doesn’t just go for businesses and wider society but is relevant to families and ultimately comes down to each of us. Covey describes the benefits which accrue in a family or even a company where there is a high level of trust and trustworthiness.  It encompasses joy, friendship, love; free, effortless communication inspiring creativity, engendered by open transparent relationships.  At the other end of the scale, where trust is non-existent, you find dysfunctional relationships leading to angry confrontations or bitter withdrawal.  We become defensive and go in for legal posturing “see you in court”.  This may lead to verbal, emotional and physical abuse.  In trying to guide people into the former type of scenario we really have to start with ourselves.  How trustworthy am I, even to myself?  If I set myself goals do I achieve them?  Or do I set myself unrealistic ambitions at which I will always fail?  How long do our New Year resolutions hold?  January is Gym-joining month!  Covey talks about personal integrity and congruent behaviour, where we don’t let ourselves down.  We can train ourselves up in this by setting realistic tasks and completing them, even if it’s initially uncomfortable.  This in turn builds up our self respect.  As our self respect increases, so will our self-confidence, which in turn will inspire confidence in others that we are trustworthy.  This starts a positive cycle of delivering on realistic promises.  As we deliver, our behaviour becomes congruent with our stated (and hopefully) genuine intentions.  St Paul described this process in Romans, “suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not disappoint us, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit that has been given to us.”[3]

Now Covey is looking at this from a secular point of view.  Karl Jung the Psychologist, who was deeply religious, coined the term ‘individuation’ for the process of our sub-conscious selves becoming more integrated with our conscious selves.  So our hidden views and values are not in conflict with what publicly we portray, enabling us to become fulfilled human beings, avoiding being tripped up by damaging events of our childhood distorting our reactions to adult events.  Jesus came to give us life in all its fullness.[4]  He does that by living within us by his Holy Spirit, as St Paul wrote, “Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.  And all of us, ….. are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another; for this comes from the Lord, the Spirit.”[5]  We do not have to go alone through this process of individuation, of becoming integrated human beings, of moving from one degree of glory to another.  In fact we cannot do it alone, as we only have partial access to our subconscious.  Trained counsellors can help, and often do a really good job of assisting people in rationalising childhood events, so they don’t become limiting characterises of adult behaviour.  However our best counsellor is that sent from God because he can “access all areas”.  If we allow the Holy Sprit to open us up and work on us, we can become so much more whole, integrated and, consequently, more trustworthy.  With that trustworthiness we can influence our families, our work colleagues and wider society.  This is how the Kingdom of God is extended.  It starts with each of us individually, preferably being supported by others.  

Ten years ago, in the first year after I had come to a living faith on an Alpha course, I went though this sort of process.  It was not enjoyable but produced a lot of healing.  I had never fully reconciled myself to my father’s death when I was two years old.  I wrote him a letter thanking him for loving my mother and for my life and I forgave him for leaving me.  I let him go.  I also had to forgive some others.  They would float to the surface one at a time.  I knew the Holy Spirit was helping me and we went at a pace that I could manage, just.  I also had to let go of some of the anger and frustration caused by my dyslexia leading to academic failure.  Gradually, I became more laid back; unafraid of people and so able to be more open with them.  All this took about a year.  It was hard.  I spent a lot of time in tears.  It was like intensive psychotherapy.  But I didn’t have to do it on my own.  My church home-group was full of prayer and support.  Home groups can be really helpful for all of us on a spiritual journey and would recommend you think of joining one if you haven’t.

It isn’t finished of course.  The Holy Spirit still has a lot of work to do in me, but it was a great start and I was able to live so much more in the present and enjoy life more, even experiencing at times that peace which passes all understanding.  But it involves remorse and repentance and being prepared to open yourself to the Holy Spirit even if you’re not going to like what you hear.  The prize is living life in all its fullness which is partially why Jesus came.

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[1] 1 Cor 1:12

[2] The Speed of Trust: the one thing that changes everything Stephen M R Covey, Simon & Schuster , NY London 2006

[3] Romans 5:3f

[4] John 10:10

[5] 2 Cor 3:17f