November Diary article by Christina Rees October 31, 2011

November: the harvest is over, the leaves are falling and the air is sharp. It is now less than two months to Christmas, and the advertisers have already started compelling us to spend, spend, spend.

Children are beginning to get excited as they see pictures of idyllic Christmas scenes on television and rows of enticing, new, must-have toys stacked along the aisles of supermarkets. Parents are feeling even more pressured as they juggle work, the extra shopping and all the planning and preparations for the coming holiday season. Is it the turn to visit your parents or mine? What should we do about the pets/the presents/Great Aunt Emily? How will we manage to pay for everything..?

November: a time of preparation, anticipation and reflection. Many of us will attend the Remembrance Day Service in our parish church. In the two minutes of silence we will give thanks for our freedom and remember the sacrifice of those who lost their lives fighting for it. We will also remember the loved ones we have lost, those family members and friends who are no longer here, but who still fill our hearts and minds. We will look into the eyes of those sitting near us and perhaps catch a glimpse of a still raw grief, an enduring love for someone lost to them, a wrestling with the recognition of their own mortality.

In the Christian calendar, November is the start of Advent, a time for pausing and preparing for the coming of Jesus, not as the baby in the manger, but as the longed for Messiah, the bringer of truth, light and love, the Prince of Peace: the One who can save us from evil, the One who can save us from ourselves.

My prayer for you – for us all – is that in the midst of our busyness we will take the time to check our bearings, re-calibrate our focus and direction, reconnect with what matters most to us and listen to the urgings of our hearts and souls. If we manage to do that, we may be better able to approach the preparations for Christmas with genuine excitement and joy.

Christina Rees

October article in The Diary by Sonia Falaschi-Ray October 1, 2011

 ‘Rebuke a wise person and they will become wiser. Rebuke a fool and they will just get cross!’* 

Can we take criticism? Can we offer it? Will we become wiser, or just get cross? Will we offer a rebuke kindly, or just avoid confrontation?

At stake here is reconciliation.  Many of us are keen to avoid conflict at almost any cost.  However, this is neither healthy nor helpful.  We may think it is forgiving, but if misunderstanding or real hurt aren’t resolved, there can be no real forgiveness, and resentment may fester.  If someone has been offensive, aggressive, bullying, immoral or dishonest, papering over the cracks won’t achieve reconciliation.  The evil has to be confronted and hopefully resolved.  Relationships can be strengthened from this process; sometimes they are of a higher quality than before.

Jesus offers us a path to conflict resolution. He recommends that, if someone sins against you, you should go and point it out in private. If they listen to you, you can be reconciled. You need to have a sufficiently open mind to see that there may be two sides to the issue and that you yourself might not have been entirely blameless.  However, don’t sweep the problem under the carpet, hoping it will go away.  It will only fester and bottled-up rage may erupt unexpectedly.  There again, the person who has behaved badly might feel utterly justified in acting as they did, seeing no need to apologise or change.  So, if a one-to-one meeting doesn’t work, Jesus suggests going with a couple of others. This of course is a reality check for both sides.  Is either of you being unreasonable or unrealistic?  A third-party opinion can clarify matters.  This still may not work.  In fact the offender may feel they are being got-at and dig their heels in.  But it is only fair to try.  Reconciliation isn’t always easy, but it’s always worth it.

So, if our bad behaviour is pointed out, are we wise enough to become wiser? Or shall we just get cross?  If another has harmed us, will we have the courage to confront them? Or just harbour resentment?  Bearing a grudge is like taking poison and hoping the other person drops dead!

Many blessings
Sonia Falaschi-Ray

* Distilled from several proverbs