October article in The Diary by Sonia Falaschi-Ray

 ‘Rebuke a wise person and they will become wiser. Rebuke a fool and they will just get cross!’* 

Can we take criticism? Can we offer it? Will we become wiser, or just get cross? Will we offer a rebuke kindly, or just avoid confrontation?

At stake here is reconciliation.  Many of us are keen to avoid conflict at almost any cost.  However, this is neither healthy nor helpful.  We may think it is forgiving, but if misunderstanding or real hurt aren’t resolved, there can be no real forgiveness, and resentment may fester.  If someone has been offensive, aggressive, bullying, immoral or dishonest, papering over the cracks won’t achieve reconciliation.  The evil has to be confronted and hopefully resolved.  Relationships can be strengthened from this process; sometimes they are of a higher quality than before.

Jesus offers us a path to conflict resolution. He recommends that, if someone sins against you, you should go and point it out in private. If they listen to you, you can be reconciled. You need to have a sufficiently open mind to see that there may be two sides to the issue and that you yourself might not have been entirely blameless.  However, don’t sweep the problem under the carpet, hoping it will go away.  It will only fester and bottled-up rage may erupt unexpectedly.  There again, the person who has behaved badly might feel utterly justified in acting as they did, seeing no need to apologise or change.  So, if a one-to-one meeting doesn’t work, Jesus suggests going with a couple of others. This of course is a reality check for both sides.  Is either of you being unreasonable or unrealistic?  A third-party opinion can clarify matters.  This still may not work.  In fact the offender may feel they are being got-at and dig their heels in.  But it is only fair to try.  Reconciliation isn’t always easy, but it’s always worth it.

So, if our bad behaviour is pointed out, are we wise enough to become wiser? Or shall we just get cross?  If another has harmed us, will we have the courage to confront them? Or just harbour resentment?  Bearing a grudge is like taking poison and hoping the other person drops dead!

Many blessings
Sonia Falaschi-Ray

* Distilled from several proverbs